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 "These moments will all be stories someday" tagboard Credits
| Scared.
as i think about the past the tears will come out. i don't know why. i forgot about my past already. but, sometimes when my past memories come, it hits me cruelly. like, there's that strange ill you feel in your heart. i don't have something strange in my past. it's just that i feel like i lost everything i've ever had. and knowing that i don't have it anymore, hurts me more. reality and people, both are so cruel sometimes. jadi yang aku maksud sudah kehilangan itu adalah sejenis barang. dan barang itu jarang banget ada dapetnya. susah dapetnya. tau kan gimana rasanya sudah dapat barang itu setelah nyari2 sekian lama, lalu tiba2 ada orang yg bisa dibilang cukup dekat ngambil barang itu? rasanya itu. gitu deh. 
however, one thing that makes me become sadder isn't the past. but my future does. i don't know, tonight i recall all those memories i've left behind for some times. thinking about my future, i still haven't decided what i want to be in my future yet. do i want to be an ambassador or you can say a "plenipotentiary", do i want to be a banker , or....do i want to be someone who works in a factory. like a technician maybe. but one thing scares me is would i be able to do all the things i want to do? would i be able to go to where i want to go? and would i be able to major my favourite subject? these questions keep appearing in my head everytime i think about my future. i might not be able to get or do what i want to do. but nobody knows what will come in 2 or 3 years later right? : )
I really don’t want to say things such as ‘I want to go back as how things were before.’ I recognize how I am right now, and I will continue to live on. Although I will always be hurt by those heartless glances, but also at the same time I understand that gentle glances exist. i think like, i'm still alive, at least. "Look up at the sky and feel how lucky you are to be able to see that every night".Everyone feels pain, right? But surely, after suffering satisfaction will arrive : ) am i right or not?
No matter how many times i try to convince myself not to worry about my future. or what will come next. i guess i'll always worry about my future. and what can i do? i'll stop dwelling in my past and do the best in everything i do now.
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